March 2011
2 posts
i'm a bad blog-mom.
i’ve been neglecting you folks. i’m a busy little blogger these days, though, and i’ve been pulled about six million different directions. so i’ll try to be better. no promises, though.
February 2011
8 posts
this is it.
this is the last damn morning i have to wake up and note that you’re not on the same continent as me. (for now. but that’s another rant for another time.) i could focus on all kinds of things. there’s so much i need to tell you, to get out. but today? none of it matters. in mere hours, i’ll bring you home. and when i do, all i’ll do is be with you, in your presence....
it's a quarter till two...
…i’m a little drunk and i need you now. but that’s the thing; you’re on the other side of the fucking ocean right now, right when i need you most. not your fault - how could i ever hold your professional accolades, successes, etc. against you? your bartender here misses you. boy, if you just knew what i’m going through. every inch of this city reminds me of you....
hey, universe?
what did i do? why would you test me like that? not only, it seems, do the good die young, but we also get to deal with crap like this. you had BETTER bring him back to me safe, god damn you.
it's time again. →
every so often, i have to link to “this is why i’ll never be an adult” over at hyperbole and a half. i do not want to clean all the things. not. even. close. internet. forever.
i own myself again.
i once again own the name with which i was born. i shed the name i chose in a fit of pique and teenage stubbornness, the one i clung to in the face of overwhelming evidence that i was being totally fucking stupid. i took back the confident, brash girl i’d been. i needed a dose of cayenne in this life. i got it by moving to louisiana, taking a breath, and waking the fuck up. so now the whole...
dear winter:
fuck off. no, seriously - fuck off. i hate this season so, so much. and this week is only going to be one trial after another. it’s icy. it’s cold. it’s gray. like my life doesn’t go out of its way to smother my emotional health, winter? you have to come along and be like this? yeesh.
January 2011
12 posts
salmon and tea
state of the union. good times. smoked salmon. (damn, i want a bagel.) responses: let’s see - there’s the ayn rand disciple with pinkeye (or a wake-and-bake problem), then there’s the train wreck that is princess michele of the kingdom of teabag. verdict? my side’s sane. there’s isn’t. consensus is only possible when both sides want it. sigh.
with a purpose
i hate idleness. i feel sluggish, and it heightens my natural tendency to feel like a burden on everyone i love. so now school has started again, and i have activity in my life again. yee-hah, motherfuckers. it’s great. i mean, i’m going to be irked to high heaven a thousand times over between now and may, and if i don’t get a job offer soon, i’m gonna lose my damn mind,...
GEAUX. →
stress. nothing but stress. and it’s not even mine.
hint
there are signs that, perhaps, i may not be as happy as i ordinarily am. i’m not particularly hard to read. but it’s funny how easily these signs are missed, sometimes by the one person who should notice first. we’ll see what happens, won’t we?
jim nantz is the guy who calls the masters on CBS. he’s getting married, apparently. good for him, i guess. but really, what i remember him for is this really heartwrenching account of the day of his divorce trial. i read this as i was getting ready to go through my own divorce, and my god, it tore my heart out. jim and lorrie nantz, crying and embracing each other as their acrimonious...
baby, i've got a plan...
…run away as fast as you can. you ever have one of those days where you can just feel yourself sliding towards danger, but you’re increasingly unwilling to stop yourself from sliding? you could say that my give a damn’s busted, but that’s not quite right. i have a certain sense of… i guess it’s best described like this. “self? i know full well what the...
December 2010
28 posts
#reverb10: beyond avoidance
“what should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (bonus: will you do it?)” now see, if you’d asked me this in 2009, i’d have a great, thorough answer for you. but this year? i pretty much took the bull by the horns and did everything i needed to do. i graduated, took the bar, passed...
#reverb10: healing
“what healed you this year? was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? how would you like to be healed in 2011?” weirdly, 2010 was a year in which i was psychically and mentally restored, but i’ve been hurt and sick more than ever before in my life. as i sit right now, my hip hurts, my ankle hurts, my knee hurts and there’s a massive bruise on my thigh. there’s a...
#reverb10: try
“what do you want to try next year? is there something you wanted to try in 2010? what happened when you did / didn’t go for it?” if there’s something you want to try, something you want to try ask me, i won’t say no; how could i? - “ask,” the smiths i didn’t try much, to be honest, that i didn’t succeed at. god, that sounds arrogant, but...
#reverb10: lesson learned
“what was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? and how will you apply that lesson going forward?” it’s been a rollercoaster year. up, down, all around, no two ways about it. chaos was my best friend all year long. i’m resting up, on vacation, and my brain is heavily resisting the concept of distilling lessons out of the weirdness. but that is the...
#reverb10: friendship
“how has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?” y’know, this one was interesting, because as i’ve thought about the prompt, i’ve realized that my answer is totally different from the one i initially planned. the first thing that came to mind is the change in my friendship with my boyfriend. but...
#reverb10: five minutes
“imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.” [editorial note: these prompts are veering dangerously towards that kinda squishy self-help “i’m ok, you’re ok, ok?” territory. i will soldier on, but i’m not happy about this…] 1) i...
#reverb10: appreciate
“what’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? how do you express gratitude for it?” oh, this one is a no-brainer, though it’s hard to write. it’s not a thing i’ve come to appreciate; it’s a person. without a doubt, the most worthy target of appreciation in my life in 2010 (and really, always) is my boyfriend, my best friend, my...
#reverb10: action
“when it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. it’s about making ideas happen. what’s your next step?” [some of these prompt authors, it should be noted, talk like my boyfriend’s business partner. if i see the word “whiteboard” used as a verb in one of these things, i’m gonna lose it. fair warning.] making ideas happen. hmm. well,...
#reverb10: body integration
“this year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?” i don’t often spend a lot of time living in my body without carrying on a separate commentary in my mind. these two things aren’t the same thing, though. it’s not like there’s a union:...
#reverb10: 11 things
“what are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? how will you go about eliminating them? how will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?”
jesus. talk about a complex topic. 11 things to get rid of, how and what effect it’ll have? i don’t have too many left. i’m stripped pretty bare these days - minimal possessions, only the right people...
#reverb10: wisdom
“what was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?” anyone who’s known me, in real life or digitally, will know the answer to this question in two seconds or one blog post. simple: i went to the court house and filed for divorce. it would’ve been so freaking simple to continue the pattern i’d developed: stay in the dull resentment-generation...
#reverb10: party
“what social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.” ha. haha. hahahahahahaha… oh, my friends and readers, my crew knows from a party. we drink like champions in all kinds of weather, from 15-degree windchill to 108-degree heat index and everything in between. i don’t want to choose one party this year....
#reverb10: beautifully different
“think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. reflect on all the things that make you different - you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.” aw. thanks, prompt-writing lady! people think i’m beautiful, apparently. i could be flip about this one. i’m awfully good at snark, sarcasm and wildly inappropriate innuendo. but...
#reverb10: community
“where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? what community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?” community is a funny word. there are so many different angles to it, so many interpretations. i joined some communities this year; i left some behind. i found warmth and love; i found heartbreak and disappointment. it was all of my own...
#reverb10: make
“what was the last thing you made? what materials did you use? is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?” i am no one’s conception of a handywoman. i’d be the one who ends up with pictures all over the internet of the spectacularly improbable injury i’d somehow give myself, entertaining millions with my natural grace and...
#reverb10: let go
“what (or whom) did you let go of this year? why?” oh, wow. talk about striking a nerve, and on a day when i’m hung over and have somehow managed to chip a molar. (yeah, a molar. NO idea how that went down.) you could say i’ve done some letting go. this whole blog’s been about letting go, at least when i’m not on about something political, mooning over the...
#reverb10: wonder
“how did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?” i’ve been consistently awed by the course of things this year. 2010 is the year i pulled triggers and got stuff done. i went out and demanded what i wanted from this universe, damn the odds. oh, and you wanna know what the funny part is? i got it. so wonder was really a built-in part of the process. i spend so...
Watchi took this video out of my daddy’s bathroom window during snowmageddon last winter. here’s hoping this never, ever happens again…
#reverb10: moment
“pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).” we laid in bed in his room, lights out. he wrapped his arms around me, kissed me and told me that he’s proud of me. but instead of undressing and finding ourselves in each others’ bodies, we held each other, tangled in his sheets, talking and...
#reverb10: writing
“what do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?” alas, alack, etc. i go to graduate law school. i practice law. hell, i chose the law as a career, and that distinctly interferes with my writing. well, with my creative writing, anyway. i write all the damn time as a lawyer. (and my god, these people and their sorry excuse for...
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?
power
[your soundtrack - might be sketchy] starting to feel back in control of my life again. don’t know if it’s the fact that my ex looks at me the way he does and sees what’s not there anymore. don’t know if it’s that my man is proud of me. don’t know if it’s just the peak of another sine wave. but my god, it’s a surge i can get used to. tripping off the...
#reverb10: one word
2010 in one word: RETURN. this year, i returned to the dreams, the wishes and the hopes i held when i was… myself, really. i turned my back on the illusions of the lost young adult i’d been and plunged headlong into what i wanted for myself all along. and i won. i finished law school. i passed the bar. i got the grad program i wanted (though THAT is a double-edged sword - more another...
